There’s only one Martha Stewart, and there’s not nearly enough of her to go around. But these homeowners could certainly use her expertise when it comes to appropriately staging their homes for listing photos.

Clashing colors, hideous shower accessories and candid shots of the handyman are just some of the numerous offenses against good taste perpetrated by these hapless West Virginia homeowners.

Check out our roundup of the 12 tackiest listings and see if you’d don’t render a guilty verdict as well:

1. Not the most inviting of curtains

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Our first listing comes out of the town of Duck and features a 1,300 square foot three-bedroom, two-bath home. One of the home’s bathrooms has a very memorable shower curtain, his and hers outhouses. That’s right. A shower curtain of outhouses. We’re not sure what the homeowner was thinking, but now we feel like we need a shower.

2. Tetanus shot not included

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This Glenville home is definitely in need of a make-over. Fading paint, grimy walls, and stained carpets are just a few of this listing’s numerous offenses. The outdoor swing in particular brought out the inner germophobe in us. The cushion looks like it was picked out of the trash at a truck stop. The only thing we’re sure of is that Martha would not approve. Now please pass the Purell.

3. Beauty in the fish-eye of the beholder

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

The homeowner of this Monterville listing cannot list photography under their list of talents. Every photo is literally warped thanks to the use of a “fish-eye” lens, making the home look distorted and twisted — like looking into a funhouse mirror.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

The photos are frankly baffling since nearly every smartphone on the market is equipped with a decent, easy to operate camera.

4. Can you recommend a good handyman?

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This Harrisville homeowner liked their handyman so much, they featured him in one of their listing’s photos. The toolbelt clad handyman is depicted actively working around the home’s stone fireplace. While it’s hard to accurately assess the quality of his work, we have to fault him for not having someone steady the stool. Safety first!

5. Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

We’re not saying this Philippi homeowner is into witchcraft, but the listing’s garage offers some persuasive “evidence,” namely a broom, a black cat, and a pentagram or five-pointed star. And if the old Universal Monster movies taught us anything, it’s that the pentagram is a sign of witchery. And, while aside from a hideous shower curtain, the rest of the home is fine, we’ve seen The Conjuring. We’ll take a non-witchy house, thank you very much.

6. Maid’s day off, apparently

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Our next listing comes out of Charleston, and features a “newly renovated” two-bedroom, one-bath home. The asking price is $25,000, cash only and the homeowner is even throwing in two flatscreen TVs and a handicap accessible elevator at the main entrance.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

What is unclear, however, is if the homeowner is also including the various piles of junk strewn throughout the home.

7. Everyone is feeling festive

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

The holidays are obviously very festive in this Grafton home. A large Christmas tree, complete with piles of presents stacked underneath, and a lively set of mounted deer heads wearing Christmas stocking caps are included among this listing’s assorted photos.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

There’s also a not-very-festive-looking boy lounging lazily on the sofa watching TV. This listing loses points for not sticking with the theme. Clearly the boy should have been wearing a stocking cap as well. Right, Martha?

8. Safety first, part two

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

We’re not sure how much we trust any of the fixtures in this listing out of Fairmont. There’s nothing quite like a crashed ceiling fan in the middle of the living room floor to instill a feeling of doubt as to how professionally the home’s lighting and fixtures were installed. We’d rather not walk around our home wearing a hardhat, so we’ll pass on this gem.

9. Maid’s day off, part two

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This Fairmont listing boasts pine walls throughout, four-bedrooms and one-and-a-half-baths, and stuff shoved haphazardly in nearly every room. Towels are shoved messily into place in the bathroom.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Toys are tossed all over the child’s bed. And even the kitchen counter isn’t spared the clutter.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This is not what it means when they say a home has a “lived in” look, for the record.

10. It goes with everything, and nothing

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

The next listing also comes out of Fairmont, and features a “sturdy” home that’s been “refreshed.” We’re hoping the hideous multi-color fish-themed shower curtain is not part of the home’s refresher. Boasting all the colors of the rainbow, the shower curtain has the potential to literally go with anything, and yet it goes with nothing in the home’s bathroom. Talk about a fish out of water!

11. For educational purposes only

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This two-bedroom, one-bath listing also out of Fairmont is perfect for those of us that have walked into a room and completely forgotten why we wandered in. The home’s bathroom features a simple, yet effective reminder in case you forget what to do should you find yourself standing in the middle of the spacious bathroom — “brush, floss, flush, wash.” Thanks for the tip.

12. Feeling blue

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Our final listing comes from Duffy, OH — technically not in West Virginia, but right over the border.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

This two-bedroom, one-bath home boasts 1,800 square feet and truly some of the bluest walls we’ve ever seen. Sincerely, they’re nearly blinding in the right light.

Photo: forsalebyowner.com

Also, Martha says the green shoe rack in the closet clashes with the blue. We say she’s right.

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